Monday, May 5, 2008

Work is Boring

... so I find other ways to amuse myself.

I'm currently working as a temp in a diamond jeweler at the slowest time of the year. It's my third day on the job, but they haven't had a chance to train me because of people's days off, etc, and there is honestly not a whole lot I could be doing. How can I describe a typical day?

"Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late early. I use the side door - that way Lumbergh Mr. K can't see me. After that I just sorta space out for about an hour....I just stare at my desk; but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch, too. I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work." (Peter Gibbons, Office Space (edited for accuracy))

  1. I listen to other people's conversations
An older gentleman came into the store to get his watch battery replaced. I only homed in on the actual words being said when J came back with his watch and asked if he had a cold because his voice sounded raspy.

"No," he said. "As I get older my voice gets deeper and more scratchy by the year.


"You know, " he continued, "I am the only person in my church that the music director has not asked to join the choir?"


"Yeah. During the summer months, since people go on vacations an' such, there is no choir. Last summer, when she was recruiting for the fall chorus, I sat behind her one Sunday in church and sang extra loud so she could be sure to hear the true quality of my voice. I figured that would take care of another year of her not asking."

2. When I'm too far away to actually hear a conversation, I narrate it for myself.

(I'm sure it's far more fascinating this way.)

3. I try to see how much sugar it takes, mixed with coffee, to make a supersaturated solution.

I ran out of sugar before I reached maximum solubility today. I'll try again tomorrow.

4. I Google friend's and acquaintance's names in true, stalker fashion.

5. I chew three or four pieces of gum at once and form dental molds - both top and bottom.

6. I create small, postmodern sculptures out of rubber bands, paper clips, and pen caps.

7. I find things I like in the case and go shop online to find affordable cheap replicas.

8. I stalk people on Facebook and leave obscure comments on their photos.

9. I see how much water I can drink without getting the swishy, sea-sick tummy feeling.

Current record: 54 oz. (Just 10 oz. shy of a gallon. In 8 hours. Gross. I mean...good for me. Whatever applies.)

10. I blog random a$$ posts.

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