Wow, Mommy's got a tummy ache!

"Morning sickness" is a complete misnomer. I realize the luckiest of the lucky ladies out there have never experienced the slightest gag during this most joyous of joyful times. As for me, I think I've only actually tossed my cookies about three times, but I spend the rest of my days with the impending feeling and/or bent over with dry heaves. Personally, I think, it's freaking worse.

I fell for the marketing and totally bought two packs of Preggie Pops. They're simply lollipops flavored with essential oils of natural plants. I have heard from several girlfriends that sucking on hard candy helps. I've also heard about crackers and blah blah blah - I barfed the crackers, ok?

In all honesty, Preggie Pops helped. I know they're just glorified suckers, but since it's really the only thing to works - they're awesome.

Today, especially, has been a rough ride. I woke up early to make my hubby breakfast, only to discover the smell of eggs cooking is absolutely revolting. Hell, the smell of the fridge (which is perfectly clean, mind you) makes me gag. I took a five hour nap (no joke) and awoke to find out that I still felt like crap. *sigh*

I tried to thaw some chicken for dinner, while retching, of course. My husband came to check on me to find me gagging away with my t-shirt pulled up over my nose. He laughed and told me to go get in the car - we were going to pick up dinner. I love him for that.

I hope tomorrow is better. I can't wait for month three!!

In other news, my pregnancy is no longer a secret, as I was going to keep it - at least until the second trimester begins. A girl I haven't spoken to in seriously six years some how picked up the news and plastered congratulations on my Facebook page. That was special. I hadn't even told my father yet.

My semester starts in a few weeks. I have tons of labs on my schedule this time, which I'm sure will be an extra treat seeing as how at least one is a biology lab. Please, Dear God, don't allow there to be any dissections. I don't think my tummy can take it!

This is me...for now.

I'm a daughter, granddaughter, working member of society, a sister, a pre-pharmacy student, a new wife, and I just found out, last week, that I'm going to be someone's mommy as well.

The news came as an absolute surprise, though, looking back, I shouldn't have been so surprised. Birth control pills made me ill, and they hurt even more in our wallet as we were (at the time) not insured. Having an irregular cycle, I mistakingly figured it would be more difficult to conceive. Thinking it was relatively "safe," we used "safe days" and I decided to ditch the pill and "see what happens." Well, we all know what happens: Baby makes three.

***

The morning I found out I was in the family way, I awoke, late for class. I panicked for a few seconds, but decided to skip anyway and make DH a more-than-the-normal-cold-cereal breakfast. Something in the back of my mind somehow reminded me that Aunt Flow had delayed her visit for longer than usual, so I decided I should probably take a moment to wizz on a stick.

Now, I have taken many-a-negative test since I've gotten married, seeing as how, as aforementioned, I'm irregular, and while on birth control, I had to test nearly every month to make sure I wasn't hosting a bun in my oven before starting a new pack. Because of this reason, I usually keep a spare test, or two, under the bathroom sink.

This particular morning, I dug out the box from behind the extra TP, opened the little fruit roll-up-esque package, tested, and watched, like so many other mornings, as the result faded from white to a light blue, single, horizontal line.

I tossed the test, made a spectacular breakfast, and got ready for the day. As I revisited the bathroom to brush my teeth, I looked again at the test. (Call me OCD, but I usually look at it two or three times throughout the day - just for good measure.) I noticed that while the negative result did show, the little "control" window contained zip. Not even a hint of blue.

I drove DH to work and kissed him on the cheek as I dropped him off. I didn't clue him in to the information I was harboring inside. We had a pregnancy "scare" (though I hate to use the word "scare" - it's not a horrible thing, after all), soon after we were married. After the test proved to be a negative result, I could see that he had been excited, and was now let down. I didn't like to see that deflated balloon look in his eyes, so I decided from then on that I would only tell him if the results of future tests were indeed something to be excited about.

I needed to visit the pharmacy anyway, and as I passed the family planning aisle, the same annoying voice inside told me I should probably re-test. My sister was with me, and as we stood looking at the vast array and variety of tests, confused, and in a moment of panic, I snagged three different tests off the shelf.

Back home, I chugged 44 ounces of lemonade and decided to make my way into the bathroom for the first test. I waited and expected to see a negative result, as usual. As the second, vertical line appeared, I felt my pulse throb in my body and my breath catch in my throat. I ran out, grabbed my sister off the computer chair and dragged her into the bathroom to look at my pee stick. The result was, in fact, positive.

I immediately began hyperventilating and laughing at the same time. However, the giggles soon turned into uncontrollable sobbing as the gravity of the situation hit me. I. Am. Pregnant. I am pregnant, my husband and I are both in school, and we are basically broke and live at home.

I cried. I cried like a little baby.

My other sister soon arrived and provided me with some soda to produce enough pee for the other two tests. I know the first one was probably sufficient, but I had to be convinced. Of course, the other two proved to be positive.

While I made my sisters swear that they wouldn't tell my offspring, "Mommy cried for two hours when she found out she was going to have you," I tried to plan a nice, romantic way to tell my husband he was a father. But when he got home, he was tired from work and just wanted a nap. I decided there was no better method than simplicity at this point, and I handed him the sticks so he could see himself. At first, I don't think he realized what they were, but he caught on soon. He laughed, covered my face in kisses, and then made fun of me for taking three different tests.

***

I now find myself trying to redefine my roles and figure out how I plan on surviving Pharmacy school avec baby and husband. My husband is wonderful and loving, but he'll be just as stressed with his work and education as I am, so I know I'll have to shoulder a lot of the baby stress.

I believe babies come into this world, and if you look hard enough, and work hard enough, they provide their own means of shelter and food. I'm not worried about cash for the first time in my life. I'm worried about balancing everything else, and on top of that, being a good parent! I guess I have another seven months or so to figure it all out. But for now, here I am.

My Eggo is Preggo

For sheezy. It's true. I'm gonna have a baby inshaAllah. Yay!

That's all the updates for now (as if you needed more, cheeky monkey). More to come.

Jobs Do Not Mean Cash

DH got a new job working as a geek in an electronic store (hint: it's the BEST...or not?). Go him! This is his temporary/summer job until we figure out how in the hell we're going to afford tuition for both of us. WOO!

I hope to get a job hawking knoc-off designer sunglasses at a kiosk in the mall. It's not exactly glamorous, but it pays and it doesn't exactly pay the bills.

When gas costs $4 a gallon, and we live approximately 20 minutes away from our respective jobs (as they're pretty much right next to each other), plus making it to my classes and doing whatever else needs to be done, we consume about a quarter tank of glass in two days. Wow.

For fellow nerds, please observe the following calculations:

Combined, we make about $400 a week or $1200 a month. This is pretty average for married students' income (from what I hear).

Gas = $4 * 16 gallons = $64 a tank

1 tank * 1.5 tanks / week = $96, round to $100 a week

$100 a week in gas = $400 in gas a month

Food for DH and Amie = $20 approximately per day (this includes eating out and/or groceries)

$20 / day * 7 days = $140

$140 * 4 weeks = $560 a month....

And so fricken on.

In these times, how in the world are we supposed to save money? We don't even pay "rent" per se. We just chip in with bills and groceries.

In August, of course, we have some serious tuition going on. What are we supposed to do then?

SO frustrated.

Time Flies

buzzz.....

Wow! It's been a month since I've blogged. I miss the blog-o-sphere, so while I don't exactly have huge events to describe, I'll update.

Studying for Tests: A Ponderment

I find it rather strange how we treat the people different circles in our lives. For example, I know beyond any shadow of doubt that my husband loves me with all his heart. But when we sit down to study (He's way better at math than I. Being his wife I feel I have the right to solicit free tutoring.), he loses his patience with me very easily. However, he can sit with my grandpa and teach him the binary code for hours and be cool, calm and collected. While I still chewed him a while for his treatment of me, I had to sit and reflect about how I, too, do the same thing to people around me.

It seems the people closest to me, I tend to lose my patience more. Is it just saving face, or a huge test that I fail over and over again? Shouldn't it be that I keep my cool a lot longer with people who love me, support me and pick me up out of the gutter when I tend to place myself there rather than spend time kissing the general public's derriere? While it's much easier to deal with someone you don't have to take home with you, I think it would be a much happier home if we had the same long-tempered fuse that we use once we leave our driveways.

Pharm Girl: A New Blog
As I'm beginning my Pharmacy schooling career inshaAllah, I also want to make a blog specifically for the trials and tribulations at the Pharm. I'm most likely going to use wordpress for this endeavor, (though I haven't yet decided) and I will post my address here when I make it. I will keep this one for personal ventings, and use the other for strictly Pharmaceutical news, Pharmacy school and world health related issues.



Hard Hat Zone
Construction is well underway for Chateau de la Guinea Pig. I felt sorry for our small loveable rodent living in his tiny abode, so I decided to hit the interweb to check out a new pad. I was more than overwhelmed at the price people expected me to pay for a habitat for an animal that, while I love him dearly, I got as a gift.

I checked out Ebay and discovered the a store specifically dealing in "custom-made" guinea pig cages, but check out the cost for one of decent size: $114.

Holy shinto. I think not.

I started to study what they were actually constructed of. Remember those cube, snap together shelves we all had in our rooms when we were kids (or at least knew people who did)? Plus a little corrugated plastic, and I do believe kids that you have exactly what's listed in that Ebay store for half of their price. *witchawww*

RE: The No-No Sisterhood

I prayed and pretty much waved goodbye to my social life and reputation (if so be the case...), and sent this message to all of my contacts on Facebook:

Salaam, Ladies.

InshaAllah I really hope all of you are enjoying your summers by now.

I grew up in this area and I was well aware of the hundreds of churches in the area and the two Jewish centers. I had never heard of or even fathomed that we had a masjid here. While I don't blame anyone, I think it is largely due to the fact that we are, by nature, drawn to those most like us. Once we find that group, we seal ourselves off from the outside world, and carry on. Therefore, we do not make our presence known or allow others to join.

If you've been involved with the college-age girls [here] for any length of time, you would notice that it is an extremely clique-ish atmosphere with an "us" vs. "them" mentality. Really, if you don't see it, you're an "us" or "them" or don't have your eyes opened wide enough.

This has something that has been heavy on my heart for quite some time, and I speak to myself before I speak to any of you when I say: Something has got to change.


In high school, I was the girl who was friends with all the different groups, and I find myself in the same circumstance at this time in life today. For me, personally, I go where invited - meaning, if someone calls me up and I'm free, I go. I like having a wide variety of friends and like to hang out when I have time. During those times, I have listened to girls who most of you don't know talk about how they came to the masjid or some function and found it uncomfortable, unfriendly or found themselves completely ignored. (Most were even converts like me.) I have been in conversations where I have heard one girl explain her utter disgust for another and vice versa. I've heard groups collectively criticize others. I've heard ladies talk about how they feel so alone on campus. There are girls who walk across this campus every day seeking someone to be with, yet they have no one. All of it is rather tragic.

Most of Muslim women are away from their families. Everyone should have a strong circle of friends to rely on. As women in Islam, it is especially our duty to destroy the stereotypes that bind us. But none of this can be achieved with such disunity. We have the power to change if we want to.

While most of you consider Purdue your temporary home, you were placed here for a reason. Allah puts us places in our lives for specific purposes. It may not just be to get your degree and leave - but you could make an impact on this unique community. We should thank Allah for the opportunity he has given us to meet so many of our Muslim sisters from across the globe.

It is merely impossible to assume that we will never have arguments or disagreements among us, or that we will forever be best friends. But we could be cordial. We could be civil. We could treat each other as Muslims should treat each other.

Please think over the summer, and delve into some serious soul searching and introspection. Pray and think about how we can change.

Please consider the following:

- Forget your grudges. If you're upset with someone, confront them in a loving manner or simply drop it.
- Think of ways to better reach out to other Muslim girls on campus and put those plans into action.
- Be more aware of what you say to someone and how you say it.
- Be more aware of how you speak of others.
- If you need to seek forgiveness from someone, then do so.
- If you should apologize, then do so.
- Pray for guidance.

It is definitely easier said than done, but should all put our differences aside and realize how sad it is that in a community so small we have such division and how we have people feeling uncomfortable and judged among their Muslim sisters. I would love, over the next year, to see us, as ladies, go out, do things and get to know each other.

If you feel comfortable and among friends in your life, alhamdulillah, I'm happy for you. But please keep in mind there are sisters who do not. Please make du'a to keep us closer together.

Please keep in mind:



"11.) O you who believe! Let not a group scoff at another group, it may be that the latter are better than the former. Nor let (some) women scoff at other women, it may be that the latter are better than the former. Nor defame one another, nor insult one another by nicknames. How bad is it to insult one's brother after having Faith [i.e. to call your Muslim brother (a faithful believer) as: "O sinner", or "O wicked"]. And whosoever does not repent, then such are indeed Zalimun (wrongdoers).

12.) O you who believe! Avoid much suspicion; indeed some suspicions are sins. And spy not, neither backbite one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would hate it (so hate backbiting). And fear Allah. Verily, Allah is the One Who forgives and accepts repentance, Most Merciful." - Surat 49. Al-Hujurat

Sahih Al-Bukhari, Chapter 15. Hadith 2025
"Narrated 'Aisha (ra) : Allah's messenger (saw) said: "Be calm, O Aisha! Allah loves that, one should be kind and lenient in all matters." [8:35-O.B]


Take care. Have a great summer, inshaAllah.

Asalaamu alaikum,
Amie

Thus far, I have gotten only one response from a girl who feels just like I described in the letter:

Muna

May 29 at 10:04pm

Amie .. I love you for your courage .. and I am glad I met you .. :) .. see you soon .. iA



:o) Well, that's a start.

The No-No Sisterhood

When I converted, I knew that I was giving up more than a religion. I knew once the news got out, I would alienate an entire group of people that had come to be my family over the years. I took comfort in the idea that I would soon replace my Christian family with a Muslim one who loved me just the same. However, my journey turned out to be a bit different.

I soon found that, in my community, I was at once a beloved novelty and someone to be avoided. After all, I still had to shed my American ideals before I could be fully accepted. I was routinely passed over at holidays as invitations to dinners were handed out. I would sit alone in the masjid during the khutbahs. I was alone. Simply alone.

Eventually I realized that I would have to be the one to venture out, just like any other time in life, if I wanted to really make friends. I joined MSA and a few other on-campus groups, and eventually did gather a group of friends.

Unfortunately, we live in a small community and our MSA was governed by the MSA brothers. This meant if the sisters wanted to do something, they had to pass it through the brothers first. And also unfortunately, the MSA brothers' president, was controlling almost to the point of being anti-Islamic. He was a dictator and made incredible standards for us.

For example, the dorms asked us to come and give exposure talks about Islam to better educate the residents who would be starting school at the university. The idea was the break the cultural barrier. The brothers' president granted our request (can you hear my eyes rolling?!), but told us that if we went, we had to wear no make up, no perfume, socks, flat shoes, black abayas and black hijabs to "better portray" the modesty of Islam.

Umm....I don't wear that sh*t on a daily basis. Why does dressing like I'm the fourth wife of an oil tycoon in Saudi Arabia help me be a great example of Islam? I understood the idea of putting on a hijab, but that doesn't exactly fully paint the portrait of a muslimah, does it? It's about demeanor and modesty. Yes, modesty is important. However, dressing ourselves in bags is not going to give a comforting idea of Islam to a bunch of Midwestern American chicks.

We decided after that to start a group of our own where we could be free, as women, to decide how we wanted to be portrayed. We started the group UMWA - United Muslim Women's Association. Even the Masjid Girls were all for it - until the brothers' president basically made a fatwa against UMWA accusing us of blatantly causing division. Since the Masjid Girls' leader of the pack had a crush on the president, she told her friends not to join UMWA - thus really creating division.

There were several girls who were in with the Masjid Girls as well as UMWA. We were basically told by the Masjid Girls to choose sides. The leader of UMWA became public enemy number one, and that brings us up to date.

UMWA has since become rather defunct, and the Masjid Girls have married off and/or moved away for the most part. All was going rather well, or so I thought, until a few weeks ago.

The former UMWA leader had her engagement party. It was a blast! We were all dressed up gorgeously and danced the night away in a privately rented club house. Some of the girls later went to a Middle Eastern cafe. Some girls smoked sheesha, some sat around and had some laughs, but an all-around good time was had by all.

However, when the pictures were posted on Facebook, the trouble began. The Masjid Girl, who has now moved to UCLA, found it her duty to message the girls in the photos about how "haram" their sheesha smoking was, and continued to pretty much tell them they weren't Muslim anylonger.

Note: How pathetic does your life really have to be that you spend your time stalking on people's pictures on Facebook looking for ways to call them out?!

Anyway, it really rocked me. I can't believe the blatant hatred between Muslims. Check out any Muslim forum and you'll see the hate-filled words slug across the pages. Why is it that we have lost the one thing that binds us so? Brother-, and in this case, sisterhood.

It makes me sick to know that not only does the media smear our reputations, but we do it to each other. Sure, we should definitely, gently, remind each other of what's right to do - but not come across in shear hatred. We should not sit and wait for someone to slip up so we can cut them off at the knees.

Ugh, I have no more words. Please stay tuned for my response to this bullsh*t.